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Chapter 15
After
consummating their relationship that night, David Lutman and Deanne Clarkson talked
well into the early hours. He felt as though all his inhibitions, all his
emotional baggage, all his senses of frustration had finally been released, and
he had no hesitation in expressing all his innermost feelings about her. He
wanted her life to become part of his. He wanted to remain with her and abandon
the trek. She added that there was no further reason for them to remain in Las Vegas Phoenix
Despite the fact it was still early, the city remained a hive of frenzied activity. Aware that
he still had to sign the necessary resignation documents from the trek, he
rehearsed what he would have to say to Janet. He had tried to contact her, but
the battery in his phone was flat; he had no charger handy and he did not
remember any of the group’s cellphone numbers. He prayed that he would not bump
into any of them: he would just walk into the hotel, grab his things, inform
Janet of his resignation from the tour, and then get out.
Although
he was walking quickly along the strip, Lutman would still occasionally pause
to peer through the countless casino windows, all of which seemed to be raking
in just as much business as they had been doing a few hours earlier. He glanced
at the individuals who still seemed happy to fritter their fortunes and their
lives away.
But now he could not help but feel he had just done
something similar; his guilt complex was now telling him that he just been
disloyal to Claudia, even though it had been by no means certain that they had
a relationship that would have blossomed into something more serious. The only
thing that had stopped him from feeling outright regret was his conviction that
splitting – if indeed, it was a split - was the absolutely right decision.
The
Brown Sands Tapestry was now right in
front of him. Lutman took a deep breath and prayed.
*
There
were many worried faces at breakfast in the hotel/casino restaurant that
morning. When Jeannie was pressed by Janet, she would only reveal that ‘David ‘went
somewhere’, but did not know where. She had expected him to be back that same
evening.
Claudia,
looking totally exhausted and virtually in tears, was the last to join them in
the restaurant. She had spent her night worrying and waking an increasingly irritated
Marcus to check if his room mate had returned. She had tried calling Lutman’s
cellphone often, but it was always switched off.
Janet
was now sufficiently worried enough to call the police. She stood up from her
half-eaten breakfast and left the dining room, saying nothing. She was just
about to make for her private office when she spotted him heading towards the
stairs.
‘David!’
Claudia
suddenly stood up sharply. She pushed her chair aside, squeezed her way past Kathrine
and Jeannie who were sitting in her way, and ran out of the restaurant. As soon
as she spotted him, she put her arms around him and held him as tightly as she
could.
And
kissed him passionately.
But
after a few seconds, she pulled away. She knew something was very wrong.
Now
the rest of the group had emerged from the restaurant, alerted to the fact that
Lutman had not only arrived, but that trouble was also brewing. They stood
stock still at the pair, silent, staring with a sense of fascination and waiting
to see what was going to happen next.
It was Claudia who spoke first. ‘David, what’s the matter?
And where have you been? I’ve been so worried… I’ve been so scared! Why didn’t you contact me?’ She put her arms around him again
and held him tight, hoping, even desperate for the response she craved. Tears were
streaming down her cheeks. ‘David, please, don’t you realise it? Haven’t you
realised how much I feel towards you?
I love you, David, I love you!’
Lutman
slowly put his arms around her, but did not hold her tightly. His expression
was one of anguish.
‘I’m
so relieved you’re here,’ Claudia sniffed. ‘Please David, I don’t want you to
leave me I want you with me.’
Lutman closed his eyes. Oh
God, no. He had not expected to feel such intense regret. He had not
expected this kind of reaction or feeling at all. He, in all honesty, had not
expected her to have even fallen in love with him.
He
gently eased her arms away from his body, and took a small step back from her. She
squealed in disbelief. He looked into her reddened eyes and then turned to his uninvited
audience who had all remained disturbingly silent, waiting to see what was
going to happen next. They looked at him, clearly expecting the next move or
words to come from him.
Lutman
had not rehearsed for this scenario. He had convinced himself that all those
events that had taken place hours before had been so clear, so straight
forward; everything had been surely mapped out for him, and that everything
would just happen so naturally. He should not have bumped into Claudia. He should
not be standing in the middle of the lobby being the centre of attention in an
emotional drama. It should have been Janet, his group leader that he was
speaking to, confirming his departure, and that was going to be it. That was
how it felt it was going to be. Any actions, anything he said, would just
happen automatically. If anyone saw him, they would have been surely smiling, wishing
him good luck, but no.
And
now he had to say something…
‘Claudia…
everyone...’ Lutman’s voice was audibly quivering, struggling to find the right
words. ‘I have to leave you all. Today. And now. I can’t explain why, but I
have to go...’
Then
Janet stepped forward, her expression one of both shock and disgust. ‘David,’
she said angrily, ‘why didn’t you call us and let us know you were going to be
out for so long last night? We’ve all been worried sick! I was just about to
get the cops in!’
The
imaginary hole that Lutman had now dug for himself was just getting deeper with
every second. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said unconvincingly, ‘but… I really can’t talk to
anyone. And now I have to go.’ He had to get out of the place, and fast. It was
all beginning to make him feel rather ill. ‘Janet, please do whatever’s
necessary to release me from the trek. Please!’
Claudia
could only stand there, in total shock. Kathrine glared hard at him.
‘Yes,
okay,’ said Janet wearily, ‘But I’d still appreciate some kind of explanation.
I think we all would. Just letting someone go like this without a proper
explanation doesn’t look good with my bosses or anyone else here.’
‘Okay… sure,’ he said quietly.
Now
the whole group glared at him. He just wanted to run. ‘Can we do it privately?
And now?’
‘All
right. Come with me.’
‘David!’
shouted Jeannie, ‘When are you going to tell us what the hell happened last
night?’
‘I’ll
tell you later,’ he said gloomily. He really did not want to speak to any of
them anymore.
‘David?’ Claudia began to cry
once more. ‘What’s happened to you? Why are you doing this? If you’re going
somewhere else, then please take me with you! I want to be with you! I love
you, don’t you understand that? I
love you David!’
‘Claudia...’ He was struggling to remain
composed. ‘I-I do like you very much. Over the past few days I’d really grown
very fond of you… I even began to fall in love with you, but I really, truly,
didn’t know you felt that way towards me... but… something’s happened.
Something that… well, if I tried to explain, you’d probably… oh God… but I
didn’t know. I really didn’t know you had truly fallen in love with me… you
have to believe me… and now it’s all too late… it’s all too late… oh
God…’ He looked down at the floor, shaking his head. His mind went blank. He no
longer knew what to do or say.
But
Claudia clung on to whatever hope she had left. ‘Tell me David, please. Please. What happened? Say something to
me, will you? What are you trying to do? Why are you doing this? I want us, you
and me, to be together! Please!’
‘Oh
Claudia! I’m so, so sorry…’ He went
up to her and hugged her. He no longer knew whether he was doing the right
thing… it was all going wrong again, just as it did back in England
NO! Not again! You are doing the right thing! You are going to spend
the rest of your life with a girl who fell in love with you at first sight, and
which allowed you to release all your inhibitions, and to whom you made
passionate, unprotected love to last night…
His
voice faltered. ‘I’m so sorry but I
can’t…I can’t tell you… I have to leave you now… I have to leave you all.
Goodbye.’
Although
she had let him hold her, she then suddenly and forcibly removed his grip.
Raising her hand, she unleashed a slap on his face that was so ferocious the
force and pain sent him stumbling to the floor. ‘Go then if that’s what you want to do, you bastard! I never want to
see you ever again!’
Claudia was now inconsolable. Kathrine put her arm around her
and led her towards the stairs to their room.
As
he was nursing a bright red mark on his cheek, Lutman watched them. He
desperately wanted to call out to Claudia. He wanted to explain everything. Absolutely
everything. The time travelling. The baseball cap…
But
he knew it was pointless. He could only sit there on the lobby floor, still not
having got up from the slap; his eyes were firmly fixed on her as she and
Kathrine slowly disappeared up the stairs and away from his sight, seemingly
for ever…
Saying
nothing, Marcus, Raoul, Marianne, Cindy, Sylvie, and Andrea slowly followed:
nobody was in the mood to finish their breakfasts. Only Jeannie stayed put, and
she certainly was not smiling. In all that time a number of other hotel guests
had appeared, curious to see what all the commotion was all about. Many
remained, glaring at him, wondering what he was going to do next. They only started
to disappear when he finally got up, slowly and carefully, and glared back at
them.
‘You
didn’t do that very well, did ya?’ said Jeannie grimly.
‘No,’
said Lutman sadly, ‘I didn’t.’ He had thought the Caroline incident back home
in Hensfield was the most awful thing that he had been responsible for, but
this seemed to cap it all. He nearly decided there and then that the fates, the
supposed future that had been set out for him was simply not worth all this,
this pain, this misery that had been put upon him and others around him.
Claudia had found him first, she had fallen in love with him, and he should
have reciprocated. She was a lovely, genuine girl who would have made any man
very, very happy, including him. But he knew it was now too late.
But
Doctor Deanne Clarkson…
No. This is the right thing to do.
*
Janet clearly did not really want to speak to David Lutman either.
As she gestured him to sit down in her tiny room/office, she opened a grey
metal cupboard next to her bed. She removed a box file, taking out a number of different
colored sheets of paper.
‘So,
David,’ she began sternly, ‘this is the document that officially authorizes me
to release you from the trek.’ She put the sheets on the small table in front
of him and placed a ballpoint firmly onto the table. ‘Fill out your name and
date here, sign it at the bottom and I’ll do the rest. But it would help me
considerably with the paperwork if you were to tell me what on earth is going
on. I have to give my bosses some kind of explanation.’
Lutman
took a deep breath. ‘Janet,’ he began as he filled out the form, ‘I’m going to
ask you to keep to yourself what I’m going to say. Write it down for your
bosses if you must, but please don’t tell anybody in the group what happened…
with the exception of Jeannie, and even then only tell her when the trip’s
completely over. The bottom line is, well, I’ve met another girl. And I’m going
to stay here with her. I don’t want to go back to Los Angeles England
‘To
tell Claudia,’ Janet finished. ‘Okay, look, at the end of the day, it’s your
decision. I’m not going to stick my nose into your business, and I don’t
particularly care, but the moment you sign this, I and StatesTrek are no longer responsible or liable for any further
actions you take.’
As
he passed the completed documentation to her across the table, she lent
forward. ‘I’ll be frank with you,’ she said firmly, lowering her voice. ‘Everybody,
including me, believes what you did was rash, irresponsible, and totally
upsetting. You’ve ruined everyone’s holiday. And as for poor Claudia… well, in
all my years of doing these treks, I’ve never seen anything like this! Okay,
I’ve seen relationships develop and end among individuals in my groups, but
never ending like that!’
She
sighed and shook her head. ‘I sincerely hope Claudia’s going to get over this
quickly,’ she said softly.
‘So
do I,’ said Lutman sadly, ‘I really do.’
But
Janet’s voice turned serious once more. ‘I suppose I should really be
exercising my right to have you thrown off this trip regardless, something I’ve
never had to do before. I’ve nearly done it for disruptive influences, and I
have to say you’ve well and truly crossed that particular line. So I suppose
you signing this at least saves me from taking such action.’
‘Thank you, Janet,’ said Lutman solemnly. ‘And I’m really
sorry this has happened. As to whether I’m going to eternally regret this,
well, it may well be… a matter of time. Thing is, yeah, I do feel a right
bastard now. And if I were Claudia I’d certainly never understand what I’ve
just done. But I just find it… sad
that she didn’t really tell me she loved me up to that point – I’d have never,
ever, done what I did if she’d have told
me before…’
He
stopped, realizing that saying anything more would be pointless and irrelevant.
He
then stood up and put his hand out, but Janet refused it.
‘Good
luck then on whatever you’re up to and whoever she is,’ she said coldly.
‘Well,
thanks. Up to a few minutes ago, it had been a lot of fun. At least I was
almost there right to the end.’
‘Yeah.
Now go. Please. And as quickly as you can. I don’t want to see you again.’
*
Once
Marcus had vacated the room, Lutman quickly packed up the remainder of his
things. Neither of them felt like being in the presence of the other. In fact,
none of the group was to be seen: it was though they had all decided to stay in
their rooms, out of sight, until he was well and truly gone, which suited him
fine. Then, making sure he was not spotted by anyone else, he ran to the hotel
lobby, checked out, and ran into the parking lot.
To
his immense relief, Deanne was waiting in her dazzling, white Toyota Corolla,
motor running. Lutman opened the trunk to throw in his bags, then got inside.
He swiftly belted up and asked her to get going.
‘Boy,
you’re in a hurry,’ she said, surprised at his haste, ‘any problems?’
‘Let’s
just say… well, I still have to get comfortable with the idea of what I’ve just
done.’
‘Well, you are comfortable, aren’t you?’ She grabbed his
hand and held it tight. ‘We’re together now.’ She paused, before adding: ‘David,
look, I do hope everything was all right in there. Be honest with me, was
everything okay? Were there any problems getting yourself released from the
group?’
He
forced a smile. ‘Look Deanne, let’s have a change of scenery and then I’ll be
comfortable, relaxed, and very, very, happy.’
‘Well,
okay, but…’
‘Let’s
just say my trek leader was less than happy about me being absent this morning.
It seems I got everyone worried, and I do feel bad about that. That’s why I
look a little mopey.’
She
looked at his face. ‘I notice your cheek looks a little red.’
‘Yeah,
erm, I accidentally opened a wardrobe door the wrong way while I was packing at
record speed.’
‘Oh, okay then.’ She put the automatic gearbox into drive
and pulled out into the busy street.
Only Jeannie saw them leave, peering through her room
window. ‘See ya, David,’ she said softly.
At
that moment there was a knock on her door. It was Kathrine.
‘How’s
Claudia?’
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